HUMMINGBIRD

Aii.

Let’s say…

There’s this young couple I used to be close to. We’re not as close anymore.

I did a lot of running-around for them during their wedding and, naturally, they felt they owed me one. So I was always welcome in their home. They made sure I was comfortable, and always offered me something to eat. That hospitality started to wane gradually… because I was a constant guest. Every free time I had, I was in their house. People who wanted to see me came to look for me there sef! I sensed it was uncomfortable for them… but I kept on.

The thing was… they were the cutest couple on earth. Not in terms of beauty per se, but… they were cute. I loved the way the girl clung unto her man; how her eyes closed when they kissed; how she melted at the knees… I loved the way they nestled when we chatted in their house. I loved the way she fell asleep in his arms. I loved the way I stayed there and never gave them breathing space.

Haha.

The onus was on the man to tell me to cut down on the visits, but I felt he still remembered how I broke his jaw back in school, and was scared to annoy me. Because he wouldn’t keep his friend away for a while, his wife was pissed with him. She didn’t fall asleep in his arms anymore when we chatted late into the night; she just forcefully dragged herself to bed, visibly angry. And her husband kept wishing I’d get the cue.

I kept the man up in the living room so late he hardly got enough sleep. He was lousy at work… and that was the part that disturbed me.

I was certain my presence afforded them no time for love making; and this made me grin every time I left their house to go to mine. I didn’t go there every night sha… say… six nights a week. And I made sure other guests were very brief.

Because of me, silent tension rose between husband and wife. I could feel it. But I wasn’t reasonable enough to back off.

One night, three or four months on from their wedding, I noticed the girl had added some weight. I became scared somewhat. Then my fears were confirmed: she was pregnant. Once I confirmed this, my visits ceased. I wondered where and when they planted that seed. I was with them the whole time. Maybe on one of those rare nights I didn’t visit because I was at my parents’, they quickly hatched a plan to make a baby.

Creeps!

When my visits ceased, I was sure there were relieved at first. But as time passed, they had to be worried. I wasn’t all a nuisance; I was a friend. They would surely miss me.

One night, the wife called.

                “Hey Jay! No one has seen you in a while. What’s up?”

I told her I’d been very busy, and work had me travelling a lot and all.

They put to bed.

I went over to see the baby and congratulate them. Not at their house oo; at the hospital. It was a baby girl. Couldn’t tell if she was pretty cuz she was too tiny… but she had to be. Her parents were cute. I pitied them. Then I left.

Months passed.

The wife called one night to know how I was doing. I said I was fine… but out of town. I was truly out of town, but it seemed she didn’t believe me. So, two weeks down the line, a knock on my door, it was her. She said she hadn’t called ahead because I could lie that I wasn’t home. Said I’d changed; what was wrong with me?!

She was carrying her baby; and she looked like someone who needed some air. I offered them a seat, and asked if the infant was ripe enough to be out like that. That was about all the care I showed.

Because of the sigh of relief she must have heaved when I left her family alone, she now felt reluctant and guilty to express any sort of need for me. But they missed me. It was clear.

                “How’s your husband?”

It was a continuation of my callousness. Calling him “your husband” made him entirely hers; not ours. If it was before, I’d have said “how is Ben?” He was my friend, and her husband – we were both stakeholders in his life. I now sounded as if I’d washed my hands off them. It was quite obvious that all wasn’t well between them. That sweet love; that cuteness; that succulence… it didn’t seem very present now.

All of a sudden, she broke into tears on my couch. I reached for a tissue and handed it to her. Didn’t touch her, didn’t touch her baby, didn’t ask her why she was crying…

She wipe her tears vigorously and got up to leave. I went straight to the door, opened and held it for her. She paused to take a quizzical look at me. Then she adjusted her baby a bit, and walked out. I closed the door.

As I was returning to the papers I’d been working on, she forcefully opened the door and walked in.

                “Jude! Is this revenge?!”

I acted as if I was lost and simply stood staring at her.

“Or simply punishment?!”

“Why did you abandon us?!” she continued. “It wasn’t our fault that we needed some privacy. We were newlyweds for Christ sake!”

“Now my husband accuses me of having driven you away. Why would I do that?!”

I said nothing, only watched her.

This pretty woman… of course, that killer shape… wasn’t quite as it was anymore. She looked like someone who was throwing in the towel on the fight to look chic. Biological, moral, and emotional supports were lacking.

As her questions drew no speech from me, she turned around and left my house, closing the door gently behind her.

I wasn’t returning to my papers now… I was thinking about this couple, and their journey that had only just begun. Many more nights of fights awaited them, and they needed their old friend back.

I gently and quietly followed her… no intention of catching up with her; just to meet her at home. I met her on their front porch, sitting there, distraught. I stood to watch her awhile. She was silent, gazing away. I walked past her into the house, hoping to find her husband. Ben, sorry. He wasn’t in. Their abode wasn’t as tidy as I remembered it. Their walls were peeling off, proof of dampness within them. Maybe from a broken pipe from the flat above theirs or something. There was no proof of zeal in the house to do something about it. Baby things here and there. Their refrigerator was scanty. No trace of food in the kitchen. Ben’s shuttle bag was flung to a corner, proof that he’d come home from work and went out again.

I walked back out to meet Teresa, and I sat there with her.

I would make things right; but it was the last time I would tolerate any two persons squandering precious love because they failed to stop and think.

LET ME WARN YOU READING THIS… Because if it happens to you, don’t call me!

One for the money,

Two for love…

Three is a crowd,

Four can be called a team.

Five is a group,

Six as well.

Seven deacons, Stephen gets killed

Eight disciples, Jesus wasn’t done yet

Nine

Ten

He still needed two more.

If my presence in their house was a nuisance… did they think a baby’s would be any different? I wasn’t even there all of the time, but their baby would live with them. That makes them three – a crowd.

Young couples get it wrong very often… especially in these parts. On their wedding night friends and family taunt them… telling them to ensure they worked hard tonight, so they could pull a crowd nine months on. Who says that immediately you get married, you ought to go straight to making babies; who?! Even if you courted for fifteen years before marriage, it still has to be just you two awhile before you consider bringing in third parties… otherwise, the cares of parenthood and extra bills soon usurp the succulent ambience of your home, and you become unsure of how and when you signed up for this.

I was in their home often, at my own inconvenience, to make them realize that what was most valuable to them was their own company. I deprived them of sleep and cuddling, yes; but see who was on board now! Babies are the most wicked and self-centered human beings in all the world. You have to be ready for their bullshit before you let them into your home. Stay away from them for as long as you can. Childbearing is secondary to marriage. Even the Church tells you that. But because of all our misconceptions about sex, we conclude that our first night – which should be all passion, all pleasure, and all bliss – ought to be the night we conceive our first child. This simply plunges couples too soon into the annoyingly boring and unending monotony of adult life. Plus, how are your finances? Bearing children comes with bills!

Stay with your wife a year, two years… bond, bond, bond. Your mixing auras soon begin to prepare you mentally for the weight that you soon decide to put upon your marriage cart.

Now Ben and Teresa are going to be needing help from time to time to keep them together. They’re going to get it. I’ll give them that. But the consciousness that you need external therapy to enable you cohabit with the person you love is already a sucker punch to your sanity. Someone you found and clung unto effortlessly – sometimes even against the forces of gravity and your family – you now need help to stay with. It’s a ridiculous something, I tell you!

I’m going to start visiting again and we’ll be four. That’s a team. We’re a team now, determined to make this work. Determined to win. The team will grow too. But that love I sought to safeguard for a while, is gone for good.